20080917

LP0 On Fire (You Should Stop Now)

Oi, you still awake?

Yeah, why do you care?

I have decided to try to be less of a dick.

Right. Last I checked hell has not frozen over and you still manage to come around here and mock me at every opportunity.

I'm just lookin' out fer ya! You sit around most days starin' at the ceiling, waitin' for the fuckin' world to end. It's a fuckin' tragedy! I come around here and there you are like a pile of old clothes! You used to actually do shit! Remember that?


Don't even get me started! The only thing you ever bring up is that New Years party!

That's the best example I can think of!

And I hate you for it. I know that I used to do things, but I am just so under-motivated these days. I just don't care any more.

News flash, genius! Whose fault is that? Yours! Get off your ass and make something of your self. I'm not gonna be around all the time tryin' to kick your lazy ass into gear. Push past this "poor little me" shit and get some balls and do something! Fucking anything! Sort goddamn paper clips for all I care! Just get the fuck out!

I knew you were going to do this... You feign politeness and all you have to say is the same macho psychiatry that everyone else decides is "what I need". I am sick and tired of being pushed around and told what to do! I just...just...

What? You gonna cry now? Don't even start that, 'cause you know that shit doesn't fly with me! It might work with your ma, but I'll crack you upside the head if you do!


No! I am not going to let you provoke me like you always do! I have something to say and I am going to say it. The way I want to say it.

All right then, smartass, go ahead and say it!


Shut up. Just shut up... I just want my life back. The time before you started getting in my face. When I was glad to wake up in the morning, look at myself in the mirror and know this is going to be a good day. The days before the stress-induced insomnia, panic attacks, and nervous stutter.

I know that you remember those days, because, as you might say, we were "a fuckin' team". We worked together and succeeded at everything that we put our minds to. It was fantastic.

What I have been trying to figure out is what changed. That's why I have sitting around staring at the ceiling or whatever other awkward simile you want to use to describe my day-to-day behavior.

So, with that said you can either help me or leave. It is as simple as that. I know that I have told you to leave before, but this time I am not angry. I just need to know where we stand.

Damn. I... I don't know what to say. I gotta think about this. You always were a fuckin' headcase.


Just figure it out. I am tired of fighting.

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