20080826

4:18

Well it is 4:18 AM and I can't sleep. The Boondocks are playing on my TV and The Kleptones' "The Underground Hand That Buttoned The Widow" is sauntering its way into my brain. Hooray for iTunes shuffle mode.

I spend most my nights like this. Trying to write something interesting or build a track, but instead I fill my head with the work of others. Dick, Baudrillard, Nietzsche, McGruder, Vonnegut, Nilsson, MacFadden, Davis, Menuck, Reznor. Purveyors of literary, philosophical, and musical reality. Crammed into the recesses of my brain.

Nine Inch Nails' "Coronata Radiata" on loop. Hooray for iTunes loop option.

The problem is. The problem is that when I turn all of these things off, it is louder than it was before. My brain speaks in bursts and echoes. It stumbles upon itself and builds to a cacophony. I can't sleep.

Exhaustion comes with the dawn. Sleep comes but is marred by empty dreams that wrack my limbs with spasms. When I wake, my hands are stiff, forearms sore, and legs ache. I smell of cold sweat and nightmares.

Moby's "At Least We Tried" on shuffle. Hooray for iTunes shuffle mode.

It's 4:51 AM and I don't want to sleep.